If you are reading this, it’s because I love you… I’d like to share a little story with you, my story…

I never intended to set out on the journey that I did, but I am forever grateful that it happened…

Back in October of 2018 I had officially ruined my life. I had excessively drank and gambled everything I had away. I owed the IRS about $28,000 in back taxes, another $20,000 in credit card and loan debt, and watched my car get repossessed. I had about $30 and some change to my name, that’s it. I am not blaming anyone but myself for all of that happening. With that being said I am so incredibly grateful that it did.

I started walking everywhere. Walked to work(thankfully I lived close), to the gym, to friends, to restaurants, everywhere I hoofed it. This was the most humbling experience as you could imagine. Having to answer questions about why you were walking wasn’t a lot of fun. I carried a lot of shame, guilt, and embarrassment around with me everywhere I went as you might imagine.

As it got to be November the evening walks home from work got a little chilly, sometimes quite cold as you might expect. But there was one particular evening that I felt a warmth on my walk that I couldn’t explain. I remember thinking and analyzing and trying to figure out where it all went wrong and what happened. I then for the first time in my life starting talking to God. You can probably picture the conversation right, “God why did this happen to me? How did this happen as I thought I had it all together?” Clearly I did not.

There were plenty more evening walks home looking up at the stars and moon with continuing questions. Like, “Are you real?” There were a thousand questions I was starting to ask myself as I was questioning everything. I mean why wouldn’t I question things because everything I ever knew or thought I knew had gotten me to the exact place I was, broke and walking…

Fast forward to the first week in January of 2019 where I was able to get a car. I had never been so excited to get a used car in my life as you could probably imagine. Having a vehicle to drive, any vehicle, is something I will never take for granted. Here is where this short story gets good interesting.

The following week I was at work at the salon and it was around noon when I got this overwhelming feeling that I needed to go to this “Band of Brothers”. It was a feeling that just wouldn’t go away no matter how hard I tried to ignore it. Now I had remembered hearing about a Band Of Brothers from running into an ex-girlfriend and her husband out at a restaurant. After a very brief conversation he invited me to come join him one night, and I remember distinctly tapping him on the shoulder and saying, “Thanks but I’m good, you do you and I’ll do me.” Turned out I wasn’t so good at doing me huh.

So I googled it and it came up to a New Life Christian Church in Chantilly, just a few miles from where I lived. I looked at the day and time and it was that evening, Thursday at 7. I thought hmmm, maybe I should go. I went and looked at my schedule and I had appointments that would take me up until 7:30 or so to be done, and then with adding in 15 minutes of travel time I just figured it would be too late so I just dismissed it and accepted it wasn’t happening that night.

I went back to work and a few hours went by and that feeling just kept getting stronger and stronger as I worked. I really started thinking I had to figure out a way to go to this but was in no financial position to be canceling clients. I went back to look at my schedule and my last two appointments had just disappeared! These were two separate clients that had standing every 6 week appointments. What were the odds that both would cancel allowing me to go and actually be on time? The truth is it was no coincidence, I had a divine appointment.

I went back to trusty google to find the address, plugged into the GPS, and off I went to some group that I kinda knew what it was, but not really, that my ex’s husband invited me to three years earlier. Not something you hear every day I know. I have to say that this too, even though I’m an extrovert, it’s not like me to just drive to some place and meet with people I’ve never met by myself. This way outside of my comfort zone, but none of that seemed to matter.

So here I am as I show up to this place that is an old beer factory now called the nZone, a fitness/sportsplex center. My initial thought was well this is kinda strange, but heck everything was kind of strange so why not! Turns out it’s both a Sportsplex and a church. The church offices were on the front side of the building as the fitness center entrance was at the back.

I walk into this meeting room and asked if this was Band Of Brothers? I got a response, “Why yes it is, welcome!” I was a little early and there were only a couple guys there yet. I went and sat in the corner and just scrolled my phone until more guys showed up. There were about twenty guys total as it all got started. It might be a good idea to tell you what Band of Brothers is. It is a Men’s Group that does life sharing and a bible study. Nothing I’d ever seen before.

One of the leaders Craig I believe it was, started playing a song. Some guys sang along a little, some just closed their eyes, others put their head in their hands, and then there was me just kind of listening and taking it all in. The song was over and then someone started praying asking for God to be there with us and help each man understand what He would have them during the time together. Then it rolled into “share time” which is where you can share whatever is on your heart. Any burden you might be carrying or any praise that you wanted to share about something good going on. There were guys of all ages, 24-80, different skin colors, and different socioeconomic levels. Trash haulers, curtain hangers, an elevator inspector, FBI agents, CIA agent, a homeless man, the mix of people was pretty astonishing.

One man started off and he was just having an awful time in life as so much what hitting him at once. It was unique to me to see this grown man, this military guy, be so open and honest with what he was saying. Stuff that I was basically taught, well at least my mindset was, that you don’t share struggles like that, you just pull up your bootstraps and carry on. So just as I thought that was strange someone asked if we could pray for him. Everyone got up and went over and laid a hand on the man and said a prayer for him. I was just watching, and after they were done I noticed that this man that was just so emotionally broken and sad, had a new demeanor about him. I just took note of it as I was taking it all in and trying to process it.

After the sharing there was a bible study as they had everyone turn to the book of John. Some guys read some passages and then discussed what they heard and what they were getting from it. I again, was just kind of taking it in and not saying much. After the bible study part was over it came time for prayer requests. The guys were throwing out people’s names, some for themselves, and asking for specific things to be prayed for. I recall there were a lot of health requests for certain ailments like anxiety, depression, cancer, etc…

After the requests were over someone again prayed and asked to bless and watch over the men as they traveled home. as well the men that couldn’t make it that evening. A couple of guys introduced themselves because I was of course the new guy and made me feel really welcomed. I think back now and realize that was just so comforting to have that kind of welcome. I remember walking to my car and trying to digest all that I had just experienced because like I said before, this was all new to me, very foreign. But I was left definitely intrigued.

As I drove home that overwhelming feeling was back again except this time it was saying that I needed to go back to attend actual church service. To be honest I wasn’t fighting that feeling at all. I just kept thinking to myself that everything I’ve ever known and did, got me into the hole I desperately wanted to escape from, so at this point I was very open-minded. Sunday came and there I was pulling into the church parking lot not scared, but a little apprehensive as I had never really been to church as an adult outside of weddings or funerals. I got out of the car and walked up to the newcomers tent, and before I could really say anything there was another experience of just being so welcomed. A woman named Christina walked up to greet me and then walked me in. She walked me back through the warehouse and we passed a room called the “Keg Room” which I thought was interesting. She then explained that they named it that to pay homage to what lived there in the building before.

We turned the corner and headed to the gymnasium where the basketball courts were, except they were covered with carpet squares and chairs. The whole huge area was dimly lit and a band was playing a song. Some people had their hands raised and singing along, and some were only standing. I decided to stand because I had no idea what they were singing, I just knew it wasn’t AC/DC lol. The band finished, we sat down, a couple guys came out to welcome everyone and share some announcements. Shortly there after a video played and then the preacher took to the stage.

I immediately resonated with him because he was short, portly, follicly challenged, and was a wearing a Washington Nationals jersey. He shared that they were just starting a sermon series on Jonah, one of the books in the Bible. Jonah, plainly put, was a man that God wanted to go one way, but kept going the other. Boy did I immediately feel some relation to Jonah. The more he talked the more it was like he was talking directly to me. I sat in my chair just sobbing. It wasn’t like a sad cry, but almost a cry of release as if I had stuff pent up for so long and I was purging. Or another way is like that feeling you get after unbuttoning your button after a good Thanksgiving meal. Say it with me, “Ahhhhhhh”

After the sermon I wiped my tears and left the gymnasium. As I was walking I started to get this feeling of just being a little lighter. No I didn’t lose physical weight, but its as if the load I was carrying of the hole I was in wasn’t quite so daunting. Dare I say I was feeling a little hopeful. I know this, I left church that day and drove home with a slight smile, something I hadn’t possessed in a long time. I remember thinking how I couldn’t wait to get back to Band of Brothers that coming Thursday.

Thursday rolled around and I was at work in a good mood. I really didn’t care about work at all as I was excited to get to the church. This time when it came time to read and study the bible together I took part and shared what I heard the passages saying. The time together came and went like a flash, and something was definitely starting to happen.

I worked through the next couple days again feeling a bit lighter, like I wasn’t carrying such a heavy burden. There was actually some semblance of peace which seemed liked something that had been so unreachable. Sunday rolled around and I went back to church. Walked in by myself and sat in pretty much the same spot as the week before. The band stopped, the announcements were made, and then there he was again, the portly preacher with hair like mine, nonexistent. He continued his talk about Jonah and as he did, again just like the previous Sunday he was talking right to me.

As the tears flowed down my face he talked about how Jonah was thrown overboard from the boat into the sea and left to die. As he was drowning he was swallowed up by a big fish. God was talking to Jonah as he was in this dark, slimy, smelly, tight place that made it seem like the end. This is where I felt I was, in that dark, slimy, tight space with no way out. As the tears continued to flow the pastor then said the words that changed everything and hit home for me. Jonah didn’t realize it, but he was saved from drowning by the fish. Yes his current situation sucked and he couldn’t see a way out, but God already knew the way. God knew exactly where Jonah was, just like he knew exactly where I was, and exactly where you might be today. Just like Jonah, he had a plan for me, just has he has a plan for you.

As the sermon ended I got up wiping the tears from my eyes and started walking out of the sanctuary/gymnasium and it’s like my body just took a left turn to walk up to a man standing a banner called “Take 5”. This was for people who had questions or were wondering what their next steps might be. As I approached the words just fell out of my mouth, “I don’t know why I’m here I just know I need to be. “Brennan, the campus pastor was the man I was talking to. We exchanged a few words and exchanged numbers and he said he would contact me later that day, and he did. We set up a meeting in his office the very next day.

I walked in and had a thousand questions as you might expect. I mean I had heard the word “God” most of my life but never paid much attention to it. I wasn’t raised in the church, nor did any of my family make it a part of their lives so I really didn’t know much at all. It’s not a knock on anyone as I’ve learned in this life, you only know what you know until you learn something different. Everything that I knew, did, and followed, had me in the dark belly of that stinky, slimy, fish.

So there I was peppering him with questions. “Who is God?” “Who is Jesus?” “What is the Bible and what do you do with it?” “Why do we sing praises to him?” “What is heaven?” “What is hell?” “How do you get to heaven?” “Why do people go to hell?” And so on and so on they went. I just had so many questions and he answered them all as we sat there for 4 hours. Near the very end of our conversation he asked me if I was ready to be baptized and start my new life. I remember saying, “I think I’m supposed to feel something to do that.” Now whether I was right or wrong I have no idea, but he agreed and simply said, “Don’t worry you will.” I left his office with so many thoughts and feelings. It was kind of overwhelming and had my head spinning a bit if I’m honest. Kind of like drinking water through a firehose.

Two days later I’m at the salon doing a client and felt this unexplainable feeling rush over me. I was emotional but felt peaceful, and joy. It was also that same feeling that guided me to Band of Brothers and church a couple weeks earlier. The time had come. It was time be baptized! I texted Brennan, “I felt it! Its time!” I was going to do it that Sunday, but it happened to be Super Bowl Sunday so I chose the following one. This is the part where I have some regrets. Not my choice to wait to be baptized, but the part where I only invited people that I thought would come. Ultimately I made decisions for people and one should never do that. Always give people an opportunity to make their own decision, because you will always be surprised by what they choose.

I had some people drive quite the distances to come and see me get dunked. It was kind of shocking to me to be honest, but four years later I understand it. I understand why it was such a big deal and why people drove the distance they did. It is without a doubt the greatest thing one can ever do and should be celebrated like it is. On February 10th, 2019 I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ and made him the lord and savior of it as I chose to follow him. I was baptized for the forgiveness of my sins in the past, the present ones, and those in the future, and had my name written in the lamb’s book of life, securing my place in heaven for eternity with the God of the universe.

When I came out of those waters I felt new! I felt a new spirit within me. It’s one of those things in this life where your words can never do it justice, and has to be experienced. I’m not saying you will have the same, but I can tell you that your life will change for the better. The moment you stop living for yourself and start living for Jesus and others, you will have filled a void that no alcohol, drug, gambling, shopping spree, entertainment, etc. ever could. Why baptism you might ask? Jesus himself tells us,